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Rusty [Oct. 5th, 2011|04:22 am]
I hate Livejournal. When I write in this it's never good and today is no different,

Rusty won't make it through the week,

I've really only had three people in my life I've loved outside of my family. They were my other family. Ones I truly feel are a part of me. I've lost a part of me already and I'm about to lose another. The only one who has really always been there. Who has never been unhappy to see me for all these years. My dog.

"Dog",,,he feels like so much more. He's a friend I've never fought with, a friend who's never hurt me, and a friend who I've known my entire life. In losing him I'll lose another piece of me. Another spot in my heart hardened forever. I part of me will die with him.

I've been telling myself for a very long time not to look to the past. Not to miss what was, for fear I'll tear open wounds that want to be re-opened. I've always had a problem with authority...even my own. The worst feeling in my world is knowing I will no longer be able to make new memories with my pup.

I'll no longer see him waiting for me on the front step as I enter my home. I wont be able to hold his fat bushy body. I won't be able to bug him when he's trying to sleep. I'll even miss when he farts...then leaves my room.

I love Rusty because he is unlike any dog I've known. A full breed who acts like a mutt. It's as if he was fighting authority his own way. "Cocker Spaniels love water? Fuck that! I don't even like grass."

He is always there when I'm lonely. A quality I've only known from him. In all that time of loneliness he's never once said a word to soothe me...he never had to. I've spent so much time with him I could read his mind I've felt. Like I was Dr.Dolittle or some pet psychic. I guess when you spend over three fourths of your life a friend, see them everyday, that will happen.

I'm going to miss Rusty more than I've missed anything I've lost before. Am I a bad person? I've lost family...Human family members and I don't feel like I've taken it this badly...

I've never believed there is an afterlife waiting for us...But if there is one I hope to see Rusty waiting for me as I open the door.
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(no subject) [Jan. 22nd, 2011|04:55 pm]
Once I think I'm done with you, YOU PULL ME BACK IN! Bastard livejournal...understanding me like NO ONE ELSE!

Well my life seems to be in a rut...again, hence the 12 year old girl livejournal rant. Anyway, following some of your dreams sucks sometimes. At least I'm making progress with one of them. The one that will feed me in the future. But the other dream I have will make that food taste better in a way. P.S if anyone is reading this I'm going to keep it impossibly vague so just give up...also livejournal is so middle school you loser.

I don't have any important friends any more. Don't let my facebook fool you, in real life I don't have 105 friends. Seems I drive them away. But Mama always said "stick to what you're good at" and DAMN I'm good.

I don't think it's all my fault. Then again me thinking of what I should put after the previous sentence and coming up with zero says a lot more. I'm just not really all that important. Not to say that I'm unimportant, just NOT ALL that important. Sure when you need me to move something with my dad's truck or need a ride somewhere with my car that's always magically filled with fossil fuel, I'm the first one to call.

I should write a book on how to keep relationships. Then when you buy it (and you would) I would have all my ex girlfriends compile the introduction explaining how you should do the exact opposite of anything I say. At least then some good would come out of me. Also everyone could have a good chuckle at my awesome grammar...or lack there of.

I wish things were different. I wish I didn't feel this way almost all the time. But it hasn't stopped me from moving forward yet. They may be baby steps but the way they are going is all that matters to me.

"Man's real life is happy, chiefly because he is ever expecting that it soon will be so."
I expect my life to be happy someday too. I've been wrong before. I'm good at being wrong.

Also if there's is anyone reading this then do us both a favor and never bring this up. I don't mind people being in my head (not to say I have more than me in there). If anyone feels this way than just take solace in knowing you're not alone. Or just be thankful you're not me right now. Schadenfreude. Thank you and GOODNIGHT! Don't forget to tip you waitress and I'll be here till Thursday.
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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2007|02:44 am]
[Current Mood |indifferentindifferent]

I dont feel like fit in. Anywhere. but i think thats a good thing.

I hate christmas. The only thing i look forword to is molly's birthday.

I dont feel like i fit in with my family when we all get together.

This time of year isnt so jolly.

3 years of being single is enough...im not going to be so picky. infact, im going to ask out the next women i see.


Bah Humbug.

and crappy new year.
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(no subject) [Nov. 15th, 2007|12:42 pm]
[Current Location |Rome]
[Current Mood |lethargiclethargic]
[Current Music |Dexter on the TV]

I need a girlfriend.

I've been on too many dates and they never go anywhere. I'm bored. I want someone to spend time with.

I miss making out.....that was fun.

Anyone want to make out? Anyone at all?

"Dexter" is a good show.

I've been writing a new story. I think its one of my best ones yet.

I work today......at 5:00.

I hate ice cream and the people who buy it.

What other random fact should I type out?

Two wrongs don't make a right. But but three lefts do!

And I'm spent. Afternoon all.
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(no subject) [Nov. 13th, 2007|01:14 am]
[Current Mood |contentcontent]
[Current Music |Nothing]

I bought "The Office" season 3.......and Oingo Boingo greatest hits. It's not very good. Too 80's for me but theres two good songs at least.

I can't wait till I'm out of school. i can't wait for a lot of things.

I hate math.

I hate sleeping...im not good at it.

I need to get out more.

I need to work out more.

I need to get a real job.

I'll do it tomorrow.
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Whats in a Subject [Nov. 12th, 2007|05:01 am]
[Current Mood |awake]
[Current Music |Oingo Boingo - Violent Love]

5:01am and im writing in my Livejournal. I only know of three people who still write in this thing. Oh the good times livejournal and i have had. I used to tell him my problems and he would tell my friends and then they would make me chipper...or call me gay.

I wish i had something interesting to write in this thing. i guess it doesnt matter. No one else put anything interesting in this thing. Hell I only talk to one of the three people who still waste the time to write in this blog. I wish i had something to complain about, but im just content. I do kind of smell but im okay with it. I do have class in a few hours but that doesnt bother me. Hmmmm THINK!

Whats with gas!.....no, thats not good enough. Women drivers! Nah. I got nothing.

Oingo Boing is awesome.

i think i should try to get some rest now.

Maybe i'll make another BLOG! WHOOT!
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(no subject) [Nov. 7th, 2006|10:04 pm]
[Current Music |S.O.A.D- Atwa]

HAHA How funny "seeing" someone can be. It just means so many different things to so many different people. Here i thought seeing someone was to care about them, to try and make them more happy, but i guess i've been stumped again. "i need time" it seems time is all i've got now. i feel like a used tissue. Sure it's great when you need one, but once you've used it, you just throw it away.
To think that she cared about how i felt. She doesnt care about what anyone else. why would i be any different. You may think im over reacting (in which i agree) but im just sick of being used. too many times this has happened. "its not you, its me" Does this mean im the only sane left. Or is it that im attracted to the insane(or maybe im ugly). i guess i'll never know.
If your reading this and you made it this far, i applaud you. i know this is going to make me seem like a dick, well i am so i dont give a shit. "I just dont want to hurt you" Bullshit. i was just there to boost your self-esteem, make you feel better, and i'm more then happy to do that to anyone. but i got fucked this time around. maybe someday i'll get used to it.

ahhhhhh that felt good. i might regret putting this on livejournal but at least i feel better. kiss my black ass if you think im just being a jerk. all i am is nice so i need to be a asshole sometimes.
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"Let me tell you" [Sep. 12th, 2006|09:17 pm]
i think i was wrong about this whole livejournal thing. Sure, some people like the pity they get from friends when they write about how they think there life sucks. Then other people just like it because its...well their journal.

well i feel like writing so thats what im going to do.

lately i've been kind of depressed. Though i'll never admit it if you asked. sometimes i feel like i don't have real friends. It may sound silly but i feel like no one really knows "the real" me. Now you may say im being stupid, but how can you know the real me if i don't even know me.

I have too many feelings about too many things. I want to find someone i can share them with. For too long i've always hid a piece of myself for fear that it wounld'nt be understood. i feel like im more then one person. im always changing to my surroundings. i act different around one group of people then i do others. i want to know the real me. i guess i find him when i write.

I sometimes i feel that im being measured by other people. i dont mind really. sometimes i like to see peoples ignorance. i see people who are afraid to hang out with, or even talk to someone cause they think they're better then that one person. But then again, no one really stops and trys to understand a person. be it a friend or peer.

i try not to measure people. to put one person above someone else. but at the same time i feel like im always below the "top 8". i just wish i had the feeling of being someones number one again. someone who's interested in what i have to say.

but then again, this is growing up isnt it. life wouldnt be as great if i didnt feel like shit sometimes.
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Bitches [Sep. 5th, 2006|09:26 pm]
[Current Mood |calmcalm]
[Current Music |Ted Nugent - Kiss My Ass]

ahhhhh geez. i havent messed with this thing in a while. it seems only two people still use this thing. LiveJournal and I had some good times some bad times and OK times. we just had times.

lets see if i still rmeber how to do this.

well today was the first day of school and my classes seem pretty good. a side from english...........im not a fan of the teacher. The math teacher is too friendly too.

yeaaaaah. i got nothing.
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(no subject) [Jan. 18th, 2006|07:51 pm]
[Current Mood |crankycranky]
[Current Music |Primus- John the fisherman]

"Im going to piss and moan on livejournal because i know all my friends will want to hear about it" I've just realized over the past few days reading every ones livejournal has made me dumber. (if thats possible) Some of you whiny bitchs have nothing to whine about even if you think you do.

Shit happens, so what do you do. you write about it in your little journal so your friends can pitty you. fucking read a book, get a hobbie. This myspace shit too. Now i realize i may sound hypocritical but thats okay because i am a hypocrite.

Livejournal/myspace is just another way for stupid emo brats to tell how much they hate their parents. Im sick of people getting pissed because a stupid comment on their journals. what gets me is that PEOPLE BREAK UP WITH PEOPLE ON THERE LIVEJOURNAL. THATS THE DUMBEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER SEEN.

im in a bad mood so i just needed to rant about something...not that anyone really cares, but this is my last livejournal (aside from "HailToTheKing66" because its not personal, its about the movies, so shut up)

now go read that book.
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